I'm on holiday so leave me alone... wait, ok not polite allow me to rephrase, I am in thailand where there are more brits than thais wherever i look... annoying, yes convenient much more so! ok ok... so we're in thailand and what more can i say than there is a boots "the chemist" on the road outside our hotel... its is not what one might consider back to the orient in any shape or form.. i should remind you also that i am writing from bangkok hwich doesnt really resemble thailand in either shape or form...
right.. so we left malaysia early. Far far to early in my opinion, mind you there were ladyboy prostitutes on the street so i gues we should redifine that as really really late! anyway we were transported relatively swiftly to the Malay Thai border where, i am now overcome with fear of being wrongly convicted opf some offence in thailand and being sentance to x many years in jail having started to read religously the experiences of those who have been incarcerated in thailand, i trembeled like a wimp at border control.. fortunately trembling is not yet a crime so i was allowed safe passage onwards and there began our thai odyessy! We travelled straight on to the delightfully named town of Krabbi (say it as you see it people), it was pleasant enough although we were eager to make ouiur way to the beaches of West Railee which are a ferry boats journey away from Krabbi, and being naieve as we are we were succoured into beliveing that the ferry would not run when it wa raining (it was raining by the by!) so we took up the offer of a free taxi and a place to stay for all of 400 bhart by a kindly fellow by the bus stand.. we no doubt would have been ripped off had it not been the free taxi part which saved us 300 bhart and actually transporeted us a fair way down the coast to a nice foreign populas that was augh nahn (it probably wasnt spelt that way but who cares right?). OK right so we stayed their a night, their were big waves as it happened but that is not enough to put off any self respecting longtail boat captain (a longtail boat being an overgrown wooden rowing boat without oars and with a lawnmower/small car engine strapped to the back of it... nice). Anyway we made our way to Railee the next day and it twas very very nice indeed, we stayed on the posh side and therefore paid a bit more but got a pool! I wish there was much to tell about this little place but there really isnt, its got a lovely beach and you can wander through the jungle past some caves to yet another lovely beach or alternatively, if you want to drink on the cheap and hang out with other smelly backpackers you can go to East Railee which is an unpleasant marsh but sells cheap beer and provides for all late night drinkers Thailands ubiquitous fireshows. Its hard to believe how fasinating one man with a pair of conkers on strings which are then set onfire and flung around his head can be, When they want to get really dangerous they send on the kids to do the same thing. Its a bit like watching Formula One, you watch it because its exciting at moments, but really you watch it because theres a good chance someone will have an enormous crash! LIke wise you know theres a good chance that the fire-swinger has a good chance of burning himself to a cinder if he accidently tangles himself up. I must admit we never saw it happen and subsequently after about 2 ngihts of the same sort of thing, I couldnt honestly care if i ever saw another fire swinger in my life.. afterall they are hippies.
So anyway, we spent a few nights at Railee and then headed 'pon boat towards the islands of Ko Phi Phi. Right this is taking forever for me to write about thailand and we're leaving tomorrow so time to speed up me thinks... Ko Phi Phi = tres nice, lots of sun lots of greeny bluey holiday brochure sea and pretty girls who apparently had not realised there wasa top half to their bikini (dont tell Jen about that last bit).. we met up with of some of Jennies friends who were on holiday for a few weeks and spent four days together basically lying on a beach and snorkeling and we even managed to squeeze in a dive or two, for the most part I was normally trying to shake off the effects of the nightbefore only to repeat the process that night, i can also report that i am now offically unabloe to hold me drink. So many hangovers and chicken currys later we decided enough was enough and it was time to brave Bangkok.
We left on a midday boat with Jennie pretty much having to support me on to the boy as the hangover was particularly heavy from the night before.. however a nauticle 2 hrs later and I was right as rain or close enough anyway.. and we boarded our direct coach to Bangkok, which as it turned out was not direct, in the end we swapped busses twice.. nice. Bangkok is an interesting city, very pleasing on some aspects and hugely worrying on others... the sheer number of old white men with young thais (i omit gender as both gat a shwoing) is staggering.. very dodgy..the place is full of backpackers all wearing the same clothes bought off the street stalls.. no hippies here, evryones wearing fake designer this and that, i met my clone the other day, wearing same t shirt and everything... amazin. Anyway we tried to sort out our visas for Laos and Vietnam in advance and being completely retarded after too many drinking sessions had failed to realise that embassies dont open at weekends and so we couldnt leave in a couple of days but actually had another 4 full days in bangkok... idiots! Anyway we decided to have a drink and think it over.. as it turned out we decided to Kanchanaburi.. Kanchanawhat? Its the Bridge on the River Kwai folks... so i brought out the camoflage and read 'Bridge on the River Kwai', only to be rudely reminded by the first museum that we went to, that it is of course a novel and the film is based on this novel and therefore not a matter of historical record... well balls to that.. as it turned out the truth was just as harrowing and seeing the bridge and the war cemeotry as well as visiting the museums was quite moving. There were a few random bits like the war museum that had a distinctly Japanese sympathetic bent. ON one exhibit it describes how the Japanese made prisoners drink gasoline or would crush thier hands with a hammer if they were caught stealing. THe conclusion being that the Japanese for these cruel punishements as of course the thief brought it on himself!!! Errr what? Anywayback to Bangkok it was and am glad to say we have both completed preparations for the World Cup by buying fake England shirts I have Wayne Looney on the back of mine, not actually spelt that way, just as the Thais have an unfortunate speach impediment that stops them pronouncing r's and turns them into l's... oh yes Loooooooooney! Jen got a Gerrard one and we're already to go bar a barrel of stella and a bar fight (theirs still 3 days to go folks). Anyway thats all to report i'm afraid I think i need a drink... I'll have one for all of you.. Cambodia tomorrow.. up up and away..
60p a beer? I'll take 7 please.