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Leavin On a Jet Plane

HOOOOOOOOT STUFFFFFFFFF

Good morrow hombres

Well thew time has come I'm sad to say to say farewell to this fair country and move on to yet another colony.. I mean ex colony. So it has come to pass that we make passage for Singapore this very night. From there it is a matter of hours before we voyage north and east to Tioman, tropical paradise.. errr right. Ok Ok so enough with the waxing lyrical down to business, last time we met I told you to Mahal this well now we've Mahal'd that and the rest we've seen the Taj Mahal, the worlds most beautiful monument to love apparently, it is I might remind you a tomb but I guess its a case of whatever floats your boat! Still a very nice tomb and a good alternative to the traditional headstone. So we saw that and visited a few other places in Agra which were no where near as impressive and then we decided to get the hell out before we cooked and I was peruaded to buy a mini Taj Mahal.. they were majestic though! The salesman really fell down when he spent half an hour showing me how rubbish the cheap mini Tajs were that were for sale everywhere and then proceeded to try and flog me a large marble one for a rediculous sum. When he sensed there was no way this chump would shell out for an oriental dolls house made of marble, he then tried to sell me the very same cheap and shit mini Taj Mahals he had just taken great pains to show me how rubbish they were. No sale although for sheer audacity I almost bought an elephant before Sandall started to beat me up and I had to leave the shop in humiliation. Ah dear. Anyway we moved on to Jaipur...

Jaipur is the capital of Rajasthan and is very dusty! Its also hot but between you and me thats a given from now on. Recently Indian newspapers have been printing death tolls in Dehli.. amkes a nice change from the old degrees celcius we're so used to... in Dehli to day 10 people died from the heat... not sure what the conversion is but think if the rate goes abover 15 then we've passed 50 degrees.. ouch! So where was I.. ah yes Jaipur. Well its not big or particularly clever.. Notable points of our time there would be dining at Pizza hut and the AC bus we took to Dehli. Ok thats not at all fair, Jaipur does have its charms, for one the old city still has its walls round it so to enter you go through these massive gates.. inside the buildings are slightly older and supposedly pink in colour although to be honest they just look dirty to me! There were sopme interesting places the various palaces where i Stubbed my toe for the 50th time this trip causing it to bleed all over the place, prompting every Indian within a mile to come and have a good look at white mans blood.. like sharks only not. I have now bought some new holiday dad sandalls (no pun intended) to protect my damaged feet (they dont work that well as yesterday I had to pull a fat wodge of glass from the sole of my foot.. painful!). We also visited a lovely observatory place where some lunatic went around building massive sun dials among other things. I'd tell you more but the guide we hired was about as helpful as well I dont know he was bloody useless. Ten minutes after hiring him he had finished and he hadnt spoken a word of sense throughout! Bloody useless! Anyway in a an extreme show of one up man ship Jennie located an individual even more useless than our guide and paid him a sum 15 times greater than I had paid our guide for of all things a 5 year horrorscope. Horror being the appropriate prefix here. The man had a Phd in god knows what and basically printed off a bunch of crap from his computer stuck it in a red binder and charged us over 1000 rs. It turns out that his predicitions repeat themseleves preiodically, so i think we can expect many years of strife and hardship to come.. I thank you Dr! Hmmm anyway we also managed to catch a cycle rickshaw, the driver of which required me to push when ever we approached an incline, and then asked for more money because we were tourists, I was going to explain to him that it was rediculous to expect extra cash if you require your passengers to push as well but in the end i just told him to bugger off! So on that high note we left Jaipur for the very last leg of the Indian adventure... to Dehli!

Dehli is without doubt the most infuriating of all cities. The rickshaw men are without doubt the biggest thieves of them all. They all carry meters with them which by law they must use. However if you ask them if their meter works they'll say yes, when you tell them where you want to go they'll say there meter doesnt work and then charge twice and sometimes 3 times as much as they should! Whats more most of them wont negotiate, they look at you and then just drive off if you try to argue. We've done a fairly decent job of beating them down, but I must say I'm not sorry to see the back of them! The good news is that according to this mornings paper, the governement on the basis of all they're elicit earnings feel they should now have to submit a tax return! hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... I cant wait to go and find one and ask him what he thinks his tax bracket will... finally they get what they deserve a big fat lump of Indian red tape! Ah dear.. hmmm anyway we've seen the sights them being Humayuns tomb ( like the Taj just not as good) and the Red Fort (promises much gives very little!), the red fort has been appropriately ruined by some British barrack blocks which have been built inside they fort, they look a little like the turds of the Raj left on the British retreat from India.. something to remember us by maybe?! Anyway the sights have been seen or at least some of them and I have to say I couldnt be happier to be leaving.. after a while this place starts to drive you nuts, the two faces of India both generous and thieving all at once sends you out your mind after a while! But there you go, thats India for you, a country of many different faces, but the one I'll remember will be the yellow smile of the rickshaw driver as he shouts "you wan rickshaw?" whilst his eyes glint with greed as he sizes you up for hom much you're good for!

On a personal point, one of my teeth is killing me when I eat.. after spending more than a grand on dental treatment earlier this year I just want to wrench the whole lot of them out and get me some dentures.. but i'm hoping it'll get better soon if not its off to the Drs South East Asian style! Ahhhhh!

Right I must be off, I shall great you from another time zone soon enough..

Best wishes one and all.. Long live the Queen and Long live England

Posted by andyabroad 01:11

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